Episode 68: The Other Side of Mother’s Day
May 08, 2025
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With a big week ahead—preparing to present at the Digital Health Festival in Melbourne—I knew I needed to step back and look after my own wellbeing.
So while I'm pausing to reset, I’m also revisiting one of the most vulnerable episodes I’ve ever recorded. It’s a piece of my story I haven’t reshared before, and it feels especially right this week—with Mother’s Day just around the corner.
What If Mother’s Day Isn’t Easy?
Mother’s Day brings up a lot. For some, it’s joyful and grounding. For others, it’s a sharp reminder of what hasn’t worked out, what’s been lost, or what’s never arrived.
For me, it used to be incredibly painful. These days, it’s more reflective than raw—but I’ll always carry that experience. And I know so many others do too, often quietly.
This episode shares how Andrew and I came to the decision not to have children—why it was the right choice for us, and what it meant to sit with that grief.
When Health and Parenthood Don’t Mix
At first, like many couples, we thought parenthood was part of our future. But living with MS—and later, stage 4 breast cancer—brought up too many hard questions. Questions about safety, medication, mental health, and support.
Eventually, we made the decision to let go of the idea of becoming parents. And the grief that followed wasn’t just sadness—it was disorientation. I wasn’t grieving a child. I was grieving the life I thought I’d have.
Why This Still Matters
The grief of not having children due to illness doesn’t disappear with time. But it does change. And more than anything, it deserves to be acknowledged.
In this episode, I speak to:
- How MS, breast cancer, and other conditions impact fertility
- What it’s like to let go of a life plan
- How the grief shows up in daily life (especially around Mother’s Day)
- The quiet ways I’ve found meaning and connection again
If You’re Struggling This Week...
Know that you're not alone.
You don’t have to explain why Mother’s Day is hard.
You don’t have to be “over it.”
You don’t have to prove that your life is meaningful without children.
It just is.
And if this isn’t your experience, but someone you love is carrying this grief—this episode might help you understand a little more about what that feels like.
Finding Meaning in Unexpected Places
Letting go of the idea of having children didn’t mean giving up on meaning. But I had to rebuild what meaning looked like—from scratch.
That journey eventually led to my book Life Interrupted, and the Hurdle2Hope® Roadmap I now use to support others living with chronic illness. This framework helped me step into a life that, while different, is still deeply fulfilling.
Final Thoughts
I hope this episode feels like a soft place to land—whether you’re navigating grief, reflecting on your own path, or simply listening to better understand someone else’s.
If it resonates, share it with someone who might need it this week.
Resources
Transcript Episode 68 The Other Side of Mother’s Day
[00:00:00] Hey there, Teisha here and welcome to episode 68 of Wellbeing Interrupted. An episode where I am prioritising my own wellbeing. It's been really busy lately. Lots of appointments, lots of going back and forth to Geelong, so a couple of hours away from where we live now at Daisy Hill, trying to squeeze work in, in between appointments and catch ups, and working on the caravan table.
I was doing my heading in. Um, it is, it is a little bit tricky, so I've taken myself back to Creswick, so only about half an hour away, but in a beautiful space where I'm spending a few nights to clear my head and get on top of things. And as always happens when you give yourself space, the ideas start flowing.
So I ended up emailing the organisers of [00:01:00] Digital Health Festival, which is massive festival helping happening, happening in Melbourne next week at the Melbourne Convention Centre. And I thought, I'll just check to see whether there's a spot that's become available in the startup zone. So similar to what I did in Sydney in um, March, where I was in the startup zone, all about my wellbeing workshops for frontline staff addressing burnout.
So. I'm glad I sent the email because there was a spot that's just become available. So yeah, I'm heading to Melbourne next week for a few days to have two days at the convention center to be part of this incredible festival. And I also thought when I had a little bit of this space, what else can I do with the podcast?
Because. I am definitely gonna start interviewing more people again, [00:02:00] but I just need to put some space and time, um, aside for that. But I actually was thinking about Mother's Day and how that can be really triggering for people. Not as much for me now, but definitely was 10 years ago or, yeah. And still, you know, it does make you reflect and think about the reality of not having children.
So instead of sharing my story again and to honor my own wellbeing and actually take a little bit of time, um, to get myself all prepared for next week, I want to share part of an episode I did. This episode was my most vulnerable episode. Um, and if you're new to Wellbeing Interrupted, you probably haven't listened to it and.
Yeah, in it, I really share the reality of Andrew and I, my partner, not having children [00:03:00] and how that decision came to be. But I wanna share it again with the emphasis on, even though life doesn't work out as planned, there still is hope. So even though life doesn't work out as planned, there is still hope.
So I talk about that as well. So if you are here listening, if you're struggling with the reality of another Mother's Day, another trigger, another time of feeling like life isn't fair. And it's not, you know, if it hasn't worked out the way you had hoped this episode, have a listen because it does give you some hope that there still is meaning and purpose that you can have in your life.
Also, if this isn't your experience, if you are, you know, really fortunate in having beautiful kids and [00:04:00] your loving this time of year. I think this episode will also provide insight into the kind of grief that often goes unseen.
Whatever your situation is, have a listen to this episode.
Teisha: If you've been listening to the [00:05:00] podcast, you know that I've been living with MS since I was 22 years of age. At such a young age, you're always assuming you sort of know how your life will play out. You know, I always assumed I would have a corporate career, I'd finish university, that I'd, you know, meet someone, I'd then have a family and, you know, that didn't all go to plan.
I met Andrew, When I was 30 and from the moment I met Andrew, I knew that was my life partner and when you meet someone, you just assume, you know, the next step is to start a family. So I met, we met when I was 30, Andrew was 35. By the time I was sort of in my mid thirties, we started talking about, you know, having a family [00:06:00] and, That was something we were both excited about.
Both of us love kids, wanted to have children as part of our lives and we went down that process. I had to have a chat. Everything's complicated when you are living with a condition like MS. I had to have a good chat with my neurologist as to what to do. Back then, it's a little bit different now, but back then We weren't sure whether staying on the infusion while pregnant was right, so I decided to come off my medication.
At that stage, I hadn't had a relapse for five years and, or even longer, um, it was, yeah, five or six years. Life, MS wise, was going really well, um, and Yeah, I came off the medication. I also, as always, believe in natural [00:07:00] therapy. So I went to have acupuncture. I met with someone who does energy sort of healing and kinesiology as well.
So I was doing all things to prepare my body, um, for pregnancy and different vitamins as well. But then Yeah, we just weren't sure. Andrew and I individually started second guessing our decision. We both desperately wanted to have children, but I was scared being off my medication. You know, I was really worried about that.
I was scared that I would have more relapses and, you know, I was enjoying life out of hospital. Um, for so many years I was in and out of hospital, in and out of wheelchairs and that had stopped. Also, Andrew lives with mental health issues. You know, Andrew has significant depression. [00:08:00] I was worried about that.
He was in a good place at that time. I was really worried that that may be triggered. We chatted to my neurologist, or I did, about that. He said, reality is, you know, um, yeah, sorry, I'm just thinking about the conversation I had with him and it's taken me back to sitting in front of him. And he said, you know, not a lot is spoken about postnatal depression with men, but The reality is, if you do have a child, you won't be able to go straight back to work.
You know, your body, there's a high risk after pregnancy and after giving birth that an MS relapse will happen. So I'll need to do everything I can to ensure that doesn't. Then I thought, If it does, what do I do? You know, Andrew will be working, you know, to support us, which is super [00:09:00] generous, and he'll do that.
But that might put pressure on his mental health, and that may trigger. And then I thought, well, if he isn't in a good place, I won't be able to support him the same way as I do, because I'll be using all of my energy to support him. Everything that's in reserve on looking after our baby. And then what happens?
What happens if I do have a relapse? What happens if Andrew's not able to look after our baby? So all of this was going around my head and I meditated honors. I really thought about it and one constant was I knew with all of my heart that Andrew was a person I'm meant to be with, but I kept thinking, I just don't think that having a baby is right for us, and it's really hard to step back and [00:10:00] make a decision like that.
Fortunately, Andrew came to the same decision. independently, and then together we talked about it. And I'm so, um, I guess grateful. Well, I am grateful that he does, you know, talk things out like that. But that doesn't help you escape the grief. You know, I knew, I knew having children wasn't going to be part of our future.
But gosh, making that decision, the reality. of that decision was awful. You know, I've never felt so sad, never felt so lost, and never felt sort of confused by my emotions because I wasn't grieving something I had, I was grieving a life I assumed would be mine. [00:11:00] And I was angry at having MS. I was pissed off because I thought because of this disease, this is making things difficult for me.
You know, this is stopping me from living the life I want to live that I assumed would be mine. And yeah, so that was now, you know, we're talking sort of 13 years ago, and I still remember it like it was yesterday. And I think what's happened now is, now that I've stepped into the world of breast cancer and stage 4 breast cancer, I'm hearing stories of women in similar, um, situations.
Because hormone therapy, which I'm on, and which has brought on menopause for me, which is only brought on, on menopause probably a few years before, I thought it would happen anyway. But for other [00:12:00] women, they're having, going through menopause, and that means they can't have kids. And my heart is broken for those women, because I know how emotional that is.
You know, and again, it's like, it's, you, you get filled with anger to start with, because you think it's not fair, you know, it's not fair that they're going through menopause. The stress of cancer, and not only that, is their, their, their choice to have children has been taken away from them.
So there are so many conditions that affect fertility. As I've mentioned, in my world, you know, MS has had an impact for me. That's not to say [00:13:00] other people don't, you know, have any issues. They can have children with MS and that's absolutely fine. Again, mine was more in relation to not only going through this, you know, over a decade ago where medications were different, researchers, doctors knew different things.
Things about the side effects of medications when pregnant. Also mine was about the whole package, you know, the impact on my partner as well and as a couple, what would be best for us moving forward. And what breast cancer has really opened my eyes to as well is that there's this trade off, you know, that we need life saving treatments when dealing with a stage 4 cancer or any stage cancer and the trade off for that sometimes is the impact on your fertility or the impact of [00:14:00] surgeries on your reproductive organs.
I was reading about someone with stage 4 cancer. Um, bowel cancer and having another child is not possible for her because of surgery and the impact of that internally. Also, um, there's like Anita mentioned, you know, rheumatoid arthritis. Sometimes the medications can Impact fertility as well. Then there's endometriosis, other autoimmune diseases.
There's conditions like lupus. You know, I was reading online just today about Selena Gomez and here's a woman in her early 30s, I think, And she's living with lupus and because of the surgery she's had and the treatments she's had and the reality, you know, that she won't be able to give birth to children.[00:15:00]
Um, so there's so many different things that will impact a woman's ability to have a child. The good news is, there are alternatives to biological parenthood, um, and as Anita mentioned, you know, donor eggs and IVF, and listen to episode 35, um, if you have, can you believe that Anita advertised in a local paper about getting donor eggs, so things are a bit different now, but yeah, I loved listening to this story and there was a lot of grief around that as well, and then there was such joy as well when Anita had her first child, um, and then Also the joy of fostering a child as well.
So Anita's got this beautiful family. One, she, she always said she dreamt about having [00:16:00] two boys, but she certainly, I'm sure, early on didn't dream of it happening that way. But foster care and adoption are other options that are available to us if we're wanting to do that. And there's other paths to parenthood.
There's also, you know, being able to nurture relationships with younger people as well, community involvement, relatives. You know, we've got a beautiful niece and nephew. We, Andrew and I. Not now, but about 10 years ago, we were looking after a little girl every weekend, which was beautiful. You know, we had all different teenage guys.
Andrew's really good with mentoring. So at that time we were going through all of this. It's like the universe responded and we had an impact on the lives of lots of teenagers, which was amazing. So there are [00:17:00] alternatives. And that is reassuring, you know, for people. But what I think I want to really focus on now is because I'm not an expert on what those alternatives are is, but what if the alternatives don't work?
What happens if IVF, adoption, fostering is not possible? And what happens if there's no escaping the reality that you will never have children and that grief, as I mentioned before, is, can become all consuming and that grief is really complex because that grief's not just about grieving a future you would assume would be yours, but it's a grief that has so many triggers [00:18:00] to it.
When I was at my Darkest lows or periods when we made this decision, even turning on the TV in the morning, listening to breakfast TV, it would just hit you all the time about people talking about kids that you wouldn't quite understand, or no, it was more you'd understand how devastating this is if you had kids or, uh, You know, there were so many triggers that you felt like all of a sudden, you weren't part of this world.
And the grief never fully leaves. It's so intense initially, but it's so ongoing. You know, it doesn't leave you. There's triggers All the time, there's constant reminders everywhere that you don't have children, and it feels sometimes like there's a group of people, a group of parents, and you'll never have that experience.
It's through no fault of your own. It's not because you didn't want it, [00:19:00] but because it's not what, you know, it's not part of your life. And I'm now okay with that, but I really hope that if you know someone without children, that you're sensitive to that. You know, there can be triggers all the time. It can be really painful.
It can be isolating and those feelings of grief can resurface in unexpected ways. So I guess for all of us, just to be mindful of that with people. Not that you need to, and I remember at the time saying to a girlfriend, you know, I don't want you not sharing. or the, you know, the photos of your children and, you know, sharing the good times.
But I said, please share the, you know, really crap times as well. The sleepless nights or now, you know, the issues with teenagers, whatever it is, because I need to hear those as well. So I need to have both sides. And, uh, [00:20:00] My way of dealing with things is really breaking them down and really try and work out the emotions behind what's happening to me.
And that was no different with going through this grief. And I realized that we have been so accustomed to Believing that a meaningful life was a life filled with children, you know, having a family, having your own children, that gives you purpose, that gives you meaning. So what happens if you don't have children?
And I was thinking, does that mean my life is less meaningful, less valued? And I kept thinking, I have been through so much in my 20s. My life with MS was pretty [00:21:00] horrendous. You know, I did these amazing things. I traveled, but in those low periods, those periods when I was stuck in a hospital bed, Relying on others to Bathed me, you know, lying in a hospital bed, unable to at one stage use my hands, petrified I would never walk again.
I've been through so many dark periods and I'm so grateful that I got through those periods and I'm I was able to walk again, but I thought, I'm not having a life that has, you know, been, I guess, spent working out how to get through these dark times. And then all of a sudden think, well, because I can't have children, my life is now meaningless.
I have nothing to contribute. And I think this was the driving force for me writing my book. [00:22:00] You know, I had my book, Life Interrupted, my journey from Hurdle2Hope published in 2015. And 2015 was when I turned 40. And for me, it was so important because I wanted to not only unpack and share everything I have been through, but I wanted to make sense of it.
And I wanted to try and get insights from that that will help others. And I thought, you know, that's my meaning. That's my purpose. And that's what I want to do. And I should never look at my life like it is void of meaning.
So I also listened to that episode again, and it did make me feel emotional because there is so much grief when your life doesn't turn out the way you assumed it would. But then I'm in the position now thinking [00:23:00] I love where my life has taken me. Obviously not the cancer bit, you know, not MS as well, but the Daisy Hill bit.
The fact that for the first time in my life I am living. In a place where I absolutely love and it is not because of a beautiful home. You know, hopefully that will come. Um, but it's because I feel so connected with the land we are living on, and I know this is where I'm meant to be. And I'm also really.
Excited about the work I'm doing, excited what's gonna happen next week. Excited that these opportunities to share my insights, not only with those living with health conditions, but with those frontline workers who support us, who are going through so much themselves. I really feel like this is what I'm meant to be doing.
And who knows if we did have children, maybe I wouldn't be [00:24:00] here. So I think I fortunately am a bit spiritual and I just think, well, this is the life I have. I'm gonna make absolutely the most of it, and enjoy. Please share this episode to anyone you know is struggling with Mother's Day Also. In the episode I mentioned Anita Shaw, episode 35.
If you haven't listened to Anita's story, please do. It's a beautiful story of how she shares how rheumatoid arthritis has had an impact on her life from a very young age, and the impact that had on her road to motherhood. So we had a really. Open discussion on how our lives have taken two different paths and it's amazing what Anita has done in her life.
So have a listen to that. I'll go back to preparing for [00:25:00] this festival. Um, and I hope you enjoy your week and look forward to chatting soon.
